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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Tickle Us Tuesday!

In comments, and in 300 words or less, give us a snippet from your novel that will bring a smile, incite a giggle, or
make us laugh out loud. Don't forget the buy link and your website/blog link. Have fun! 

Share your participation with a ready-to-go tweet or make your own.

See my snippet on Exquisite Quills' Tickle Us Tuesday!   


Peggy Jaeger said...

First Impressions
by Peggy Jaeger
available for Pre-order from Amazon and The Wild rose Press

“Come on. Let’s pick.”

They strolled along row after row of apple-laden trees, looking for the perfect additions to put in their pail. The fresh, pungent smell of the fruit ripening on the trees, the cool, subtle fall breeze billowing about them, even the riot of changing colors in the panorama of hills surrounding them, all had Clarissa thinking this was a perfect day.

She wanted to memorize every part of it.

At one point, Pat pulled out his phone and said,
“Let’s get a picture of your first time.” He pulled her in close and with the orchard framed behind them, held up the phone.

“A selfie? Really?” She laughed out loud. “How old are you?”
“Sixteen. Smile like you’re having fun and enjoying this.”

“I am,” she said, facing the camera and doing as he asked.

James D said...

From DREAM CHILD (book 3 of the Dream Series). The heroine's daughter (age 4) shows off her budding medical talents...

“Lizzie, what did you do?” I’m the only adult who’s not ready to scream her head off.

“Billy hurt himself. The train made a big bounce and he got a cut,” she points at his left arm.

“Right there,” Billy agrees, gesturing to the sharp-edged tray, unfolded from the back of the seat in front of where they’d been sitting.

“I know what to do, ‘cause I watch Mommy do it,” she repeats to the boy’s mother. “We went to the potty, and I told Billy not to cry ‘cause I was gonna make him all better so he shouldn’t cry,” Lizzie explains. “I closed the door ‘cause of privatecy, just like at the hospital ‘cause it’s private when you go to the doctor. Then I washed my hands, and I used soap ‘cause Mommy says that’s what you do when you’re a doctor.”

The mother is calming down. And several other passengers are listening, too; the young man who had to use the bathroom has decided to hold it in, apparently fascinated by Lizzie’s tale.

She’s got herself an audience now and she knows it. She smiles brightly, making eye contact with each of her listeners in turn before she gets back to her story. “He had blood ‘cause he got a cut. I know what to do. Mommy says you have to wash the cut place first, so I washed it with soap. Billy cried a little, but I told him not to and I said if he was good he could have a lollipop when I was done.” It takes all my self-control to keep from doubling over with laughter at that.

She goes on, “Then you have to bandaid up the cut, so I did that and I taped it with my stickers so it stayed.” Indeed she did. “I gave him the Mickey Mouse ones ‘cause he’s a boy.”

On Amazon

and on Audible Audiobook

Iris Blobel said...

I THINK I LOVE YOU by Iris Blobel

“You sure this is what you want?” he asked.
Unable to speak, she nodded. It was everything she wanted tonight. Tomorrow would be another day, and she’d deal with it then. This was today and today she wanted to feel. Wanted to touch him. And wanted to be loved.
She knew Markus wouldn’t hurt her.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she answered.
“I’ll ruin you for all other men to come,” he said against her skin. “You sure you wanna make that sacrifice?”
He was teasing her. Sarah looked up and saw his eyes lit with mischief. “Just get on with it,” she replied.
Markus nipped her ear. “What if your mother finds out? She’ll send me to hell and back.”
Placing her hand on his hard chest, she pushed him away. “No wonder you haven’t been with a girl for a long time. Your foreplay sucks, Marky.”
A bark of laughter filled the room.
“You’re such an ass. Honestly.”


Erin OQuinn said...

HEART TO HART: The roustabout Michael McCree has won a wager and thereby a bed in the flat of a PI, Simon Hart. His first morning in the new digs, he's awakened rather rudely,..
He was awakened by an insistent rapping on the outside apartment door. Knowing it could not be Simon, he almost bellowed, “Go away!”

“Mr. McCree, ’tis Mrs. Gallagher. The landlady. Ye must open, or I’ll come in.”

“Then ye wish to gaze on a naked man? For shame, missus.” He grinned at the open bedroom door, deliberately left ajar by Simon Hart. He had slept in his baggy trousers, and now he slid out of bed, reluctant to wake fully.

He walked through the sitting room and opened the door with a suddenness that clearly startled the prim elderly woman standing on the threshold. “Here ye see me, lovely lass. Now what can ye need wi’ me?”

The woman’s sallow cheeks suffused with color, her pale green eyes trapped by fluttering lashes. Michael’s grin widened, and so did the door.

“Ye wish to enter me private rooms. Will the neighbors not talk?”

“Hush, now. Mr. Hart told me ye’d need clean linens, early, and the lavatory.” She held an armful of white cloths out to him. “Ye’ll make your own bed. The facilities lie down the hall, second door to the left. Ye’re slated from six of the clock to six and a quarter.”

“An’ what time of the clock have ye now, chukky?”

“’Tis—’tis almost six now.”

“Go raibh maith agat,” he said in his most courtly tone, thanking her with a wink and a waggling knuckle under the chin.

She turned and fled from the doorway.

That first "Gaslight Mystery" and its triplet of gay companions are here:

Starla Kaye said...

From FOR RUBY'S LOVE, from Decadent Publishing

R Excerpt:
The quiet opening of the drawer on Daniel’s nightstand captured his focus. Damn! In a panic, he hurried over, knowing there was a selection of intimate toys inside and unsure how she would feel about finding them. Why couldn’t she have opened his nightstand drawer on the other side of the bed? All his held were condoms, lubricants, and massage oils.

His face flamed as he blurted out, “I don’t think—”

“Oh my!” She lifted out two of their most used toys, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “You guys must have a good time together.”

“Yes, but….” Talk about uncomfortable! A hell of a turn on, too. Just seeing her small hands holding the items made his heart race. He’d no doubt think about this whenever he and Daniel dug into the drawer again.

He started to reach for the toys, but she grinned and pulled them close…right next to her breasts. An action that made his raging erection grow even more.
She held out their newest purchase, one his lover had used on him last week. Sitting the smaller one down beside her, she admired the black, anatomically-designed, five-inch-long tool. Her fingers danced over the vinyl stimulator as she studied it. “And this is? It’s too short for a dildo.”

To prove her point, she picked up the ten-inch Bad Boy dildo she’d set down and held them side by side. She cocked her head and waited for his answer.

He fought the urge to rip them from her hands and toss them back into the drawer. But she looked interested, not judgmental. Sighing in resignation, he said, “The black one is a plug.”

“That means?” She appeared thoughtful and admitted, “I’ve read about dildos, so I sort of understand them. I’ve even been thinking about getting one.” Her cheeks turned pink.

Amazon Author Page:

Joanne Guidoccio said...


“Do you want me to call nine-one-one?” Sofia asked.

My mother gasped, and her hand flew to her mouth as she trembled from head to foot. As her tear-filled eyes met mine, I caught glimpses of an old, but not forgotten, fear. She had traveled back in time to war torn southern Italy and memories of German soldiers who had marched through her small town. To this day, she feared any man in uniform.

“What’s your hurry?” Aunt Amelia asked. “The woman is dead. We can cover her up with some bags and call the police later. That way, we can still have the open house.” Her voice rose. “I’m thinking about the stuffed figs. They’re so moist today. Who knows how long they’ll last.”

Was Aunt Amelia trying to cover up her own fears, or was she thinking about the money that had been spent? You could never tell with her. Her reactions were always off; she never rejoiced during the good times and couldn’t comfort anyone during the sad times.

Uncle Paolo sputtered, “I…I can’t…a woman is dead and you’re worried about figs…I don’t know…I just don’t know.” He took several deep breaths and deliberately moved away from his wife. “I’ll call nine-one-one.” He headed inside.

Aunt Amelia grabbed my arm. “Gilda, stop him! He doesn’t understand about the figs. They won’t be the same tomorrow.”

Amazon link

Jana Richards said...

Here's a snippet from ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID. In this scene, Dani comforts Zach in the aftermath of his wedding disaster:

Her heart cried for him. Zach was a good guy. He didn't deserve the humiliation Chantal had heaped on him. She wanted to tell him how badly she felt for him, wanted to let him know that she would gladly listen if he felt like talking. But their relationship had always been superficial, one that didn't include intimate heart to heart conversations. Offering sympathy would only embarrass him more.

So she'd do what she did best. She'd make him laugh.

"I realize you've had a bad day, but hey, look at me. I got squeezed into a dress that makes me look like an overstuffed Barbie doll. My shoes are killing me, and then to top it all off, the dress from Hell splits across my ass so the whole world can see my underwear."

One corner of Zach's mouth quirked in a brief grin. "Yeah, you've got it all over me. I've only been cheated on and humiliated on my wedding day. For the record, the whole world didn't see your underwear, just me."

She did her best to keep a straight face. "I happen to take my semi-nakedness seriously, even if there's only one person to witness it."

He chuckled, a deep rumbling sound that did funny things to her insides. But despite his laughter, his blue eyes were full of pain. Dani wished there was something more she could do for him.

"Thanks for the loan of the jacket," she said. "Can I hang on to it for a while?"

"Of course. Thank you for providing a diversion."

"Always glad to provide comic relief." She sneered at the neon pink satin spilling out from beneath the tuxedo jacket, while lifting the fabric and dropping it in disgust. "It wasn't a much of a stretch, seeing how I was already dressed like a pink clown."

Jana Richards
Amazon Author Page

Melba Marvella said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Cheerleader Dad
Mary Marvella
Romantic comedy

Thwack! The ball hung in the air when her bat connected. Racing toward first base, she prayed the ball would pass the second baseman. High pitched screams of “Go! Go! Go!” echoed in her head as she prayed. Alex had made it to third and was on her way to home.
Rounding first base, she glanced toward the yells of “Get her!” The second baseman’s throw overshot third base sending Jesse chasing after the ball. Alex headed for home. Shouts of “Al-ex, Al-ex, Al-ex.” were followed by “Ya-hoo!”
Seeing Jaycee headed for third base, Lily prayed he wouldn’t try to outrun her. He did but tripped on a loose shoe string, nose-diving to the ground. He recovered in time to see his daughter leaving for home and tossed the ball.
“Yay!” Lily quivered as she tried to stay put on second base, watching Jaycee head for home and her third score of the game. S
“Please, don’t let Jesse tag me out,” she begged. The batter at the plate wasn’t a strong hitter. Adrenaline raced through Lily’s veins while she anticipated her move toward third base and Jesse. When he turned to look at her, paralysis hovered. Reality jarred her to action when she heard the thwack of a hit. “No-o-o!” The ball was headed across her path. There was no turning back as Jesse snatched the ball and turned to tag her.
On automatic Jesse grabbed up the ball and turned to tag the runner moving his way. For one long, split-second he hesitated. Bouncing breasts held his attention. Where could he touch her? His breath caught for a second before he realized she’d passed him. Damn! Home, he had to throw her out at home.
Jesse held his breath. He hoped the catcher would put her out, but hoped the boy wouldn’t touch her. He was just a kid, but the thought of any guy touching Lily rankled.

Kat L. said...


(Here, Natalie has been dumped by her boyfriend just as she's about to leave on a sci-fi cruise...which he booked for them. She meets her new roomie:)

Natalie took a deep breath, counting to five as she contemplated her next move. She couldn’t take any of this out on Sheena. She did recognize the girl from Karl’s work—a fleeting wave from the desk one day as she and Karl departed after his shift—but didn’t know her well. Not well enough to agree to a week confined in cramped quarters. What if she snored worse than Karl, or required use of a white noise machine that sounded like a tropical rainforest in order to sleep?

She could eat the price of this trip if it meant peace and quiet for a week, or maybe she could sleep on a deck lounger each night.
She’d buy extra lotion in the ship store to relieve sunburn and waffle imprints on her thighs.

Make this work, girl. We have a week to plot revenge.

“Isn’t this exciting? It’s my first trip to the Caribbean, how about you?” Sheena chattered all the while, circling Natalie as she surveyed their lodgings. Her bubbling enthusiasm betrayed the severe look of her attire. Good lord, she came on board already dressed for outer space. Natalie took in the other woman’s gray military-style jacket and black jodhpurs, shiny calf-high boots and gold-plated insignia pinned to her breast.

It resembled nothing of what a sane person would wear on a Caribbean cruise. Sheena looked like she should be up with the crew steering this damn boat.

“I’ve never been to the Caribbean before, either,” Natalie said, glancing at the twin beds before them. Not twenty minutes ago she’d been studying the layout, calculating how she and Karl would fit comfortably together on one of the slender mattresses. All the cabins reserved for the convention were set up for either double or quad occupancy, which hadn’t bothered her because they weren’t as expensive as the suites. It made sense, in the event strangers on a budget had to be paired off.

Twenty minutes ago, she’d giggled at the thought of creative sleeping poses. Well, at least now she’d be able to spread out a bit.

LindaRae said...


Dorothea regarded Mr. Hammond through narrowed eyes. “Am I to believe, Mr. Hammond, that my late son actually had you write these instructions into his will?” she asked, somewhat incredulous. “I only just acquired my high stepper from Over the Hill Farms last month! I can hardly believe David knew anything about Mr. Popper Over the Hill.”

Clarinda and Daniel both turned in unison to regard the dowager countess, their mouths suddenly hanging open in a most unbecoming manner.

“Mr. Popper Over the Hill?” Daniel repeated, his eyebrow arching up nearly into his hairline.

Her shoulders suddenly pulled back, Dorothea turned toward her son. “He was named based on his lineage, of course,” she stated quite firmly. “The sire was Mr. Peeper and the mare was Popover.”

Clarinda found herself struggling to maintain an impassive expression, while Daniel’s eyebrows continued to attempt a merger with his hairline.

“A peeper and a popover gets a popper, then?” Daniel managed to get out with a perfectly straight face.

How does he do that? Clarinda wondered in amazement. The man obviously had no sense of humor, no sense of the absurd.

“Of course. The more likely moniker was already taken by the colt born the year before,” Dorothea said defensively, one hand waving in the air.

Clarinda hoped Daniel wouldn’t take the bait. She was sure she would be reduced to giggles should he ask as to the older colt’s name. Tears had already pricked the edges of her eyes, ready to break forth with the least provocation.

Daniel straightened in his chair and regarded his mother with a stern look. “And what, pray tell, is the yearling’s name?” he asked.

“Why, Mr. Peep Over the Hill, of course,” his mother responded, as if the name should have been apparent to her son.

No longer able to contain her giggles, Clarinda tried to make them sound as if she were sobbing. And, in a way, she was.

Dorothea rolled her eyes. “Just be glad the second foal was a colt,” she said with an arched eyebrow. Not giving Daniel the opportunity to ask after that horse’s possible moniker, Dorothea straightened. “Had it been a filly, I would be riding Miss Popper Over the Hill, which makes it sound as if she would be ready for a tumble at every opportunity,” she murmured, returning her attention to the rather startled solicitor. “Do continue, Mr. Hammond,” she encouraged.

Babette James said...

From LOVE BURNS, a spicy contemporary romance

She frowned, reviewing how perhaps their morning interactions might seem to Dave. She’d passively enjoyed his every touch, but not once asked for more. How would he know what she wanted? Why couldn’t she let Dave know?
Curious, she deliberately bumbled her next cast. As before, Dave stepped right in, steadying her hand on the rod and repositioning her arm. However, this time, as he grazed his hands over her, she twisted around and pressed her body to his, halting against one very hard erection.
Make that a yes on his interest. With a sizzling blush, but very amused and excited at how easily she diverted his attention, she rose up on her toes, and nipped at his jaw, brushing her lips over warm skin and new stubble, drawing herself over the solid length of him. If that wasn’t clear…
Dave groaned. “Do that again.”
Catching her free hand onto his hip, she rode up and nibbled more kisses to his jaw and throat as he tilted his head and arched his body into hers.
“Yes!” He ran his hands over her back, fingers hard and searching over her bare skin. “Damn, sweetheart, what you do to me.” On a ragged draw of breath, he plucked the fishing rod from her hand and dropped it aside on the beach chair. “Fishing lesson’s over.”

Love Burns on Kindle

Jude Knight said...

A Baron for Becky. Aldridge is eavesdropping as his cousin advises the woman Aldridge wishes to make his mistress.

“The town-house. Make sure you have the right to refuse one that is unsuitable, and for God’s sake, reserve full control of its decoration. I have seen Aldridge’s bedchamber in the heir’s wing at Haverford House.” Rede lingered meaningfully on the word ‘seen’.

“What is wrong with his bedchamber?” Mrs Darling asked. Aldridge wanted to know, too. He’d spent a lot of thought and effort getting it just the way he wanted it.

“It is clearly designed for one thing, and one thing only,” Rede said. “And sleeping is not that thing.”

Yes, true. And none the worse for that, Aldridge thought.

“You do not want your daughter to grow up in a fornicatorium,” Rede continued, “if you will excuse my blunt language, Mrs Darling.”

“Decoration,” Mrs Darling said, firmly.