First let
me say that I'm not an expert on psychology or impact play. What follows are
just my thoughts and opinions on the topic. Some people might disagree with me,
and that's fine. Everybody's entitled to their perspective, which brings me to
my main point: Pain is all about perspective.
However,
show me my favorite flogger and I get weak for a different reason. I'll qualify
here for those of you who've read Re/Bound -- I'm not a severe masochist. I
have friends who are, one of whom answered a lot of questions for me about
Painsluts, which is a special class of masochist. Now, I might not be anything
approaching a Painslut, but I do love to be under our rubber flogger. It has
round falls that can band together or fan out, depending on the way it's swung,
so it's very versatile.
The biggest
sex organ, and I don't care how well hung the hero is supposed to be, is the
brain. The interpretation of pain is located there, but so is the
interpretation of pleasure. If you look at something and decide it's going to
hurt, you've closed your mind to the possibility of deriving pleasure from it.
Similarly if you look at something and decide it's going to heighten the
experience, then it usually does. (I say "usually" because I have
kids and pets. You never know when they're going to derail a scene.)
Now that
we've figured out the determination aspect, let's talk about the mind games
inherent in the D/s relationship. I think bondage best exemplifies this. The
sub is tied down, unable to move, completely at the mercy of a trusted Dom/me.
That Dom/me can do anything they want, and the sub can't stop them. (Well,
that's not exactly true. The couple should have established the parameters of
the scene beforehand, and a safe word should be used. Ours is "Stop"
because we don't play protest games.)
Some people
find the position of powerlessness completely arousing. In that state, they're
more open to impact play and they're more open to interpreting pain as
pleasure. Also, a knowledgeable Dom/me will know 1) what they're doing and 2)
your preferences. They'll probably start light and increase the force of the
blows.
If you find
that concept scary, try this: Find a fleshy piece of your bare arm and hit it
lightly with your palm. Increase the force until the sensation becomes
unpleasant. If you're up for it, keep going for a little longer or try it again
on the inner part of your arm or thigh (start lightly!) I bet it hurts your
palm before it hurts your arm. After you've stopped and a few seconds pass,
you'll notice heat rising to the skin. You might still feel the sting, but I
bet you're also feeling a little something else too. It's even better when
you're just on the receiving end. Oh, and this works on any fleshy parts.
Remember to not hit the places where the bone is close to the skin.
This kind
of play also takes into account your entire body. It's not a quickie focused on
what's going on between everybody's legs with a kiss or grope thrown in for
foreplay. BDSM concentrates on the foreplay, which makes for much better
orgasms. It prepares the mind and the body, and I can't see anything
unappealing about that!
I know
everybody is different. When I write my characters, I keep that in mind. You'll
find that Darcy (from Re/Bound) is the only Painslut. The others like varying
degrees of impact play. Marcella (from By My Side) doesn’t like the flogger at
all, and Katrina (Re/Paired) finds the bliss in a flogging session so soothing
that almost puts her to sleep. I include it in most of my BDSM titles because
it’s something I like. In all of my books, I focus primarily on the development
of the relationship between the main characters. I want to show you the
romantic side of a BDSM relationship. After all, love heightens all
experiences.
Places to find out more about my BDSM, paranormal, and
mainstream titles:
2 comments:
Whew, Michele. This is a short treatise on flogging and the D/s lifestyle. And yes, everyone is different and responds differently to sexual and teasing acts. As long as we're talking consensual adults, it's all good.
Love this post, Michele, very entertaining and informative. It's just confirmation as Jane says that if consenting adults are involved, this practice can be fun, rewarding and emotional for all parties. Thanks for sharing.
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